Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Randomize