Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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