He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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