I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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