I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Randomize
