I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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