omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I miss vodka workout Fridays
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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