But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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