Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
