If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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