My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
