Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
