he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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