I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize