I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
