I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
