This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
