i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
