ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize