sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
