ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
