Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
