He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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