my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
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