Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
