I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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