Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
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