I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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