I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
