I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
