R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
