I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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