Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
