Where did you get a picture of my penis
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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