Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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