i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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