She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
