Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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