just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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