So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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