Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
