Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Randomize
