i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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