before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
