Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
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