new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Randomize
