why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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