i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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