I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
