Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
