Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
