a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
