I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
NoShamevember. You game?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Randomize
