Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
