My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
