Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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