I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
