whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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