it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Hello my rib-scented angel!
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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