So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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