Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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