we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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