Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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