Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
