I have demons in me.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
