he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
