oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
