If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
