her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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