I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
