Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize