everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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