i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
