I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I just had sex on a roof
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
