Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
