People in love make me want to vomit
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
