The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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