He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
