So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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