she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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