On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
