you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
