Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
dude i'm inner monologue high
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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