I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
