there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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