She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
