I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
