I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
