nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
