where am i from again
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize