people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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