Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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