oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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