Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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