dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
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