yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
