He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
