and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
