Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
