dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
