You made me cry and you don't even care
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
